Sometimes, I still need you.

Heart skipped a beat.

Words have a way of infecting your soul. Even more so in lyrical musical form. How haunting the arrangements, how thrilling the words. The way they cut you straight to the core, straight to your soul. You can’t help but form a tiny sense of nostalgia. The memories of your past that always seem to haunt you. It starts to flow right out of you and you can’t help but find yourself saying “Sometimes, I still need you“.

Maybe it’s a source of weakness. The weakest link just knowing that when you least expect it, you go rushing back to the one thing that will always let you down. You know it. The whole world knows it but you just can’t help yourself. You miss that moment when your heart would skip a beat for someone. The hurt and the pain come naturally, just like second nature. You put yourself out there and find yourself back at the bottom. You wonder why you continue returning to this sinking ship and again you just couldn’t help yourself. Sad is better than lonely.

How you do recover from your biggest heartbreak? When all you do is constantly return to the scene of the crime. You wish for things to be different. They never are. One day it would will be different. One day you’ll be strong enough to let go and be done with everything. Eventually this will all be a small footnote in the story of your life. Until then you keep coming back because you allow it happen. Everyone can tell you how wrong it is, but you do it anyway. Its the thrill of the past that keeps you holding on. The memories of a connection you had with someone that no matter the outcome it all seemed worth it.

It’s starts with a voice and ends with a song. The melody keeps the memories trapped until you hit repeat. Replaying every memory that you can’t help but reach out for. It’s all there taunting you and no matter how many times you say no, you can’t help yourself. Its brings you back in. Back in for the hurt, the pain, and more importantly the regret. It’s never worth it. You end up right back where you started from. The sickness worse than the flu and this rush of a thousand tears that never stop falling. Like clockwork it’s over and eventually you move on. You just couldn’t help yourself, you just couldn’t fucking help yourself.

Sometimes, I still need you.

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