In my head.

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It’s only in my head.

There’s this thing I have where my mind doesn’t shut up. Where it wants to think about every single little thing and maximize it to the 100th power. I can’t control it. Once it starts, it can’t stop. I take meaningless ideas and turns them into masterpiece theater. The emotional damage just a single thought could do, ruins everything I could think about. It’s paranoia. It’s putting too much power into something that is clearly nothing. I just can’t stop it.

I try to think about rainbows
When it gets bad
You got to think about something
To keep from going mad

Its when you’re alone with your thoughts that you can’t help but find all the wrong things. Alone with these images that cause you nothing but insane madness. Maybe it is my fault. Maybe this is the reason everyone hates me. Maybe if I had said something different I could understand whats wrong with me. At the end of the day everything is my fault. I am the reason for all this misery, I am the reason why people don’t have a problem leaving. Its this never ending constant bickering in my head. But it’s only in my head right?

Only in my head.

I am going mad. I am keeping myself awake thinking of the past. Thinking of every passing moment and the chaos that comes with it. I am the cause to all my own problems. I am nitpicking every little thing and can’t stop and let things go. I say all the wrong things at the wrong times and turn around do the opposite. Making myself sick with these thoughts that seem to come at all the wrong times. I am making people out to be the monsters under my bed. I am driving myself insane making assumptions out of nothing. Who are these people that are more self righteous than the rest of us? Who are we to believe in the lies they tell us? I just believe everything I want to believe and pick out the wrongs in everything. I drive myself crazy and give myself these thoughts.

In my head
It’s only in my head

Maybe I am crazy. Maybe at the end of the day we are all a little insane. I just can’t stop these never ending thoughts. Am I doing all these things wrong? Am I the cause to all my problems? Have I missed my chance making all these mistakes? I am tired of thinking this way. Tired of keeping myself up at night with these thoughts that feel never ending. I don’t want to miss people anymore. I don’t want to think about all the things I have done wrong. I can’t control people’s actions and I sure as hell can’t control my reactions. Why should I be punished for my wrongs and left with these never ending constant thoughts? I am tired of the countless apologies I make up in my mind. I am tired of going over situations and believing I did any of this wrong. Maybe I am crazy but I am only fucking human. I make mistakes just like the rest of us.

Cause everybody wants everybody else

What does it matter. Why should I fucking care so much? Putting all this energy into meaningless bullshit that no one else cares about. At the end of the day I can change. I can change and be anything I want to be. But its when I come home and lay my head down at night, that I can’t escape these thoughts. They’re only in my head, only in my head right?

 

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