The older I become, I watch my insecurities become less intense. All my insecurities that I’ve kept deep inside, finds a way of slowly disappearing. All the fears I once had slowly start to vanish. I find myself drawn to the light, from decades of being in love with the darkness. I find myself slowly appreciate my body instead of hiding away my skin through insecurity. If you only knew how much I hate the daylight, how I hated the sun and it’s over exposure on my skin. How much the sun reminds me of summer and reminds me that I hate the shape of my legs. It’s not to say that insecurities change over night. I still have a hard time with daylight but afternoon lighting makes everything dreamy.
A little light changes the course of everything. How it finds a way to reach you even when you want to be forgotten. The light that reaches straight through the cracks of the blinds to illuminate everything you want to remain invisible. Invisible is how I want to be. To hide in the darkest corners of the room, where no one will find me. No one will see me in all my imperfections and flaws. No one will see my skin filled with scars or the insecurities I harbor because of the design of my body. But in this golden hour of the afternoon, it makes me feel invincible. That I can do anything. Even in my imperfections, if the light hits me just right, I can be beautiful. I slowly watch these insecurities break away in the afternoon light. Slowly piece by piece disappear into the rays of the sun.
Our bodies are always a work in progress. Some days are easier than others. Some days I’ll embrace every flaw my body has to offer, and other days I’ll curse the sacred ground from which I stand upon. As time goes by I start falling in love with different aspects of myself. As I once loved the darkness and the ability to make myself disappear, its the light I can’t help but surround myself with. Light brings everything into perspective that the darkness seems to forget. Light helps me remember to love the parts of myself I often hide from the world. While I’ll always be insecure about different aspects of myself, my body shouldn’t ever be one of them. Slowly as the darkness fades into the light, slowly I become a little more accepting of my body.
It’s taken a long time to love the light, as long as it’s taken to love my body. I know eventually I will get there. Sooner better than later.