The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most.

Growing fears in places where positivity is suppose to shine through. Finding fears in every day people, places, and things. Finding joy in silence and comfort in being alone, but I can’t hide forever. At the risk of saying how I truly feel, I let my fears do all the talking. Everything and everyone I once loved is slowly drifting further away from me. Further seems forever and every day is another day I watch everything slowly drift away.

Maybe I should disappear. Hide in the hills and watch the sun illuminate my surroundings, because all I do is allow the fog to roll in and ruin everything. But this isn’t negativity talking, I am a negative person with positive intentions. Maybe some day I’ll want the sun to shine down on me, just not at this time. Not at this current moment. I was no good to you then and I am no good to you now. My careless sadness has broken away from me. Everything I am suppose to love is slowly drifting further and further away from me. I don’t know what I am doing anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore. The longer I stand in one place, the easier it takes to watch the fear take over me. Where do I go from here? Where do I go to get away from here?

These fears take ahold of my limbs and absorb into my veins. This sad sick feeling of shedding this skin and finding what harbors underneath. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can’t keep pretending that I don’t like this feeling under my skin, because its the fear that keeps me alive. I fear that after all is said and done, I will have nothing in the end. I don’t need anything where I am going. I don’t need you under my skin. I just need these fears to keep me safe from the worries at night. It’s the places that I have come to fear the most, that keep me awake at night.

And I am afraid to fall asleep.

8/7/2015

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