I am a creature of habit. I have my same routines and abide by them as the days go. It’s human nature to seek comfort in others, and in the surroundings of people. Some days I just keep to myself. Alone in my surroundings and alone in my thoughts. I find myself getting older and seeking comfort in doing things on my own and slowly retreating into my home to do nothing. People have a funny way of frightening me, so I refrain from human contact until I see fit for me.
We are all getting older. My peers, my family and my friends, we’re all growing up and growing into our own lives. I used to seek comfort in legions of friends, now I can’t pick up the phone to call them. It’s not that I don’t care, its that we are all on our own different paths. Different paths for different walks of life. When you’re younger you believe that your friends will be there forever. That every milestone your friendships will withstand the testaments of time. Then you see as the same people you confided in, stop talking to you for reasons beyond your control. In a way, you’re not growing up if you’re not losing some aspects of your friendships. As much as it hurts, you can’t stop life from happening. You can’t stop this evolution from occurring in your day to day life.
I find myself still holding down the anchor of my hometown. Staying to wait for people that will never return. Watching people come and go as they fit please. People who said they’d never change to become polar opposites of themselves. Or maybe that’s who they have always been. Who knows. I just don’t have the time to wait around expecting things to happen, that were never going to happen to begin with. Now I am left at this crossroads of who I am and who I am suppose to be. Do I stay and wait the testaments of time? Or do I go and start my life a new?
The more I wander the more I want to pack every last bit of myself into boxes. Leave this town and the last of the memories that I carry with me. Leave and never tell a single soul about my whereabouts. I am tired of sitting around and watching everyone else’s life pass me by. I am tired of everyone taking advantage of me and expecting me to follow their lead. This isn’t who I was suppose to be. This isn’t where I am suppose to be. I am ready for everything to change and to be some place else. All of my excuses have expired. All of my resources have dried out. The only thing I know is that when I leave, no one will follow. Maybe it’s for the best but leaving is easier than staying in one place where nothing happens.
Do I stay or do I go? I have no reason to stay, maybe it’s best that I go.