coldplay

Fix you.

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Days come and days go. There are people you remember and people you want to forget. You keep the memories of the past closely guarded around your heart. There are times you wish you truly could let go, let go with every broken way you possibly could. When life happens to hurt more than it should, you retreat back into your broken shell. Back to every broken memory you could possibly think of.

We are all broken battered people. People so broken with life that not even a single light could guide us home. We beg to the skies to make everything better. To give us just a better way to fall gracefully. We can’t help but feel the way we do. We want to be fixed of our broken wings and nursed back to good health. We want our shattered pieces to be pieced back together, ever so gently. Anything to cure us from our brokenness and broken ways.

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No matter what I do I am drawn to the broken ones. The people so broken by life that nothing seems to get through to them. Its the broken ones that need the most help. The most love out of all of us. No matter what I do, I can’t escape them. They’re drawn to me, and I can’t help but want to help them. Be there for them. Fix the broken parts and find a way to get through to them. I want to put a bandaid around all the cuts. I want to glue together all the broken shattered parts. I want to dry all the tears and make everything feel better.

But I can’t.

The more I try to fix a broken person the more it hurts. The more I try to piece back together someone, the more I find myself falling apart. I take all the broken pieces from everyone else and cut them deep inside of me. After all the broken ones are fixed they latch on to the light of someone else. All I am left is the remains of the broken hearted shattered pieces. Its when the broken ones have gone to live their lives, that I am left wondering what to do with mine. When do I get someone to save me from my broken self? When do I get a chance to patch up all the cuts and glue together all the shattered strands?

But I want to fix you. I want to guide the light to light your path to find what you’re looking for. Patch up all your broken bones and guide you home. Take every pain you feel and make it my own. Only then would you understand that I feel exactly as you do. That even the ones that stand tall, feel broken too. Every inch of my heart is broken but to take away my broken pride, I want to fix you. I want to help and cure and mend, every sense of the brokenness. But I can’t. The more I think I am helping, the more I make it worse.

Sometimes I need fixing too. Sometimes I need a light to steer me in the right direction. Need someone to pick up all my broken pieces and glue them back together. Seldom do I find a person that will help guide me through. Instead of helping all the broken ones, I should start with my own broken self. I can’t fix you, as much as I wish I could. I can’t put back together all the broken strands of pieces and make you whole again. I need to fix myself before I can think of fixing you. I need to help myself before I can help someone else who thinks they need me too. It’s only after I help myself that I can ever think of fixing you. But I could never fix you. You need to look into your broken heart and let the pieces fall back together on their own. Stop searching for people to help you from your broken shell. Because even the people that are helping you, can’t help but be broken too.

And I feel more broken then I am suppose to feel. I just wish I could find a way to fix you by fixing myself too.

2/16/2012

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Still believe in magic?

Drum beat mimics your heart beat. You can’t help but feel it too. 3 seconds in you’re hooked. The melody melts into your soul and you completely disappear into the lyrics. You believe every word. It stops you dead in your tracks, hits you when you least expect it to. The emotions, the feelings, and soon you’ve become every word of the song. Captivated in melody and haunted through song.

I call it magic when I’m with you

You fight to remember moments that made you feel this way. The way that hits you in the exact moment that this song does. You pinpoint the emotions and why the memories hit you when they do. They flood your mind with nostalgia and now your memories have a soundtrack. You want to forget and yet you can’t help but remember. There was a time in your life you believed these words, there was a time that haunted you in ways you can’t explain.

And I just got broken, broken into two

You let go of the feeling. Let go of the heartbreak. Consuming yourself in every inch of the song, until you no longer feel broken. No longer feel alone because someone somewhere feels exactly how you’re feeling. You find yourself falling in love with the melody. Falling in love with the words, falling in love with the song. You can’t describe in words how you feel, yet the words to this song describe you completely.

And if you were to ask me
After all that we’ve been through
“Still believe in magic?”
Well yes, I do
Time passes just as the song fades. People forgive and then soon people forget. You can’t be heartbroken forever. The song haunts you to remember and slowly you find yourself forgetting. You slowly forgive and in the end your truly do forget. Whether you’ve been broken into a thousand pieces or two, memories will always haunt you. In the end you heal and find yourself still believing in magic. The magic of the lyrics, the magic of the song, the magic of the melody that heals your soul. You can’t help your memories but  in the end you can heal your sorrow. Believing in magic is what you do best. Believing in magic because that’s all you have left.
Still believe in magic? Well yes, I do. Of course I do.