crushes

Thinkin bout you.

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I should have let you go a thousand days ago. Back to where you came from. Back to where you belong. If I close my eyes, I still see you. I still see the same episodes and replay these images as if they had happened yesterday.

Hit replay.
Hit pause.
Start it all over again.

I could never understand how a mind could become emotionally invested in something that isn’t there. Because you don’t see me, when all I do is see you. Why do we have to analyze everything? Why do we have to obsess over all the tiny details? Why do we care so much, when others care so little. If people are not meant to be in our lives, why do we obsess about them at all?

I can’t turn my mind off for the life of me. I replay these images and think about these thoughts, while thinking about you. I know I shouldn’t. It’s all a silly game our minds play that continue to play tricks on us. Because people in my mind are better then they really are in real life. These illusions we play with that pry on our vulnerabilities and existence. I give into it. I let it all go. Knowing very well I should have let you go a thousand days ago.

I am just another girl thinking about, all the insignificant consistencies of bullshit necessesites. I want to pretend that stupid signs mean everything. That everything means something. But it doesn’t. Instead I grow crazy just wondering if its all in my head.

It is.

But I can’t stop thinking about you. And I know I should have let you go a thousand days ago. I know I should have, but I didn’t. Now I drive myself crazy with these thoughts of you. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself. I know I should stop, but I can’t get my mind to stop.

Do you think about me still?

Do you?

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Feel again.

I’ve been everywhere and back trying to replace

Songs feel like heart beats. Another line to add to the thousand of lines already floating through your heart and bloodstream. Every once in a while a line of melody will hit you that it resuscitates you back to life. The melancholy feeling you felt years prior, slowly starts drifting away piece by piece. Songs have the same effect as people do. Just finding the right notes to reach through to you. It’ll happen in an instant and before you know it, you’re hooked.

You want to be believe that you’re invincible to the world. That through everything you’ve been through, there is no way to reach you. Its when you let your guard completely down that the walls around you start to crumble. It when you’ve let your walls come down that you let the right one in. Well, at least that’s what you want to believe. Because people always start out as pure as you want them to be. As good as its going to get. Its in that moment, that moment that you start to feel something. You feel it in your bones, moving through your veins and pumping through your heart. Just like a melody that jump starts your heart, you start to feel again.

But with you
I feel again
Yeah, with you
I can feel again

The past is the past and all you’re sure of is whats standing right in front of you. It’s not love, its not infatuation, it’s just something you can’t quite point a finger at. For this moment, this one pure moment you allow all the flaws to crumble. You allow the walls to breakdown and in the destruction, you still find your heart beating. The thousands of lines of every song you remember. The countless melodies you never forget. In that moment you feel something for someone, so much that it hurts your head.

I’m feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that’s the old me

Maybe nothing will become of what you feel. In a day it will all go away. Feelings don’t last forever and eventually people always turn out the way you don’t want them to be. But for a moment you felt something that took away the darkness you used to feel. Something that took all the old feelings of hurt disappear. Something that only appears in songs and through melodies that reach through your heart. Its in that song of life that allows you to feel again.

Anything and everything.

4/16/2013

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