love yourself

Love yourself.

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For all the times that you rain on my parade…

Years go by, and you find yourself still thinking things through. The tiny moments, the big moments, everything and in between. Maybe I never loved you as much as you loved you. That’s fine, I’m good. Thats the thing with memories, we pray to forget and find ourselves starving to remember. Thanks for the memories, but I am not holding on anymore.  Days go by and I realized you loved you, better than anyone else could.

Turn a new leaf, change. Speak about how much you changed because you’re only impressing yourself. You can preach all you want. You can tell every single soul, I was wrong. I don’t care anymore. I don’t. I was crazy. I was the weird one. I was everything you want to tell everyone. Tell them. Your words mean nothing to me. When you look in the mirror you’re gonna realize, you’re just as bad as I am. Maybe worse. At least I have the common decency to admit my faults.  I was wrong. I was stupid, but now I know.

..now I know. I’m better sleeping on my own. 

You’re perfect. You’re better than everyone else. You’re so fucking talented and everyone else is a fucking chump. Well, guess what? Maybe you’re right, but I’d like to think you’re wrong. Even perfect people have flaws and you have them all. Every word you told me will come back to haunt you. Or maybe it won’t. I couldn’t care less any more. I hope you know that one day, you’re gonna need somebody and they won’t be there. Even the people that love you can hurt you. “Sorry” doesn’t change the past, maybe you should know that.

When the song plays out and you’re all alone, I hope my words will find you. The only person you cared enough about was yourself. The only person you could truly love is yourself. That’s fine, that’s good, I’m cool. Now go on, love yourself.

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11/16/2010

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Some place good.

People have a funny way of disappearing. Coming in and out of your life as seasons change. I met you in the summer, and you lasted through fall and winter. By spring we couldn’t run away fast enough. We were so limited in our time together, and some days I feel like you couldn’t leave fast enough. You disappeared and expecting this all to go away. That leaving was easier than the need to stay. The winds of spring blew you away and the only thing I have left to show for it, are these scars of the coldest winter.

You weren’t suppose to leave, I was. I was suppose to tell you everything I felt and walk away from everything. You were suppose to have your heart frozen to stone and unable to sleep for weeks on end. You were suppose to replay my words until they become a recurring dream to you. To feel these words long after I have left. Haunting you like fog and disappearing through the clouds. You were suppose to be left with the corpse of who I used to be. But you left. You left and didn’t hesitate to look back. Here I am haunted by every word, as your face comes across every person I meet. You didn’t love me. As much as you implied it, you never once said those words. You seemed warm like fall but you were cold like winter. Never said a single word, unless it was to hurt me. I realize that now. After all these years I realized that what we had wasn’t love. And as much as I thought I loved you, in the end I knew deep down I didn’t. And it tore me apart. Because I wanted desperately to be with someone, to have that comfort in someone, but I knew it wasn’t you. I just wish it took me sooner to realize than later.

You were like all the seasons. Changing leaves to adapt to the ever changing weather. You only like someone for the moment when it’s convenient for you. Until you fly away and find someone new. I was a fool that believed in summer love that would last through fall, winter, and spring. I was stupid to believe that you would stay, when all you do is change color to who ever you want to adapt too. But this time I leave you in the summer. In the blistering sun and the swelling heat. Leave you begging for the fall and holding on for the winter. I can change just like you do. Only I change for myself and not anyone else. Thats something you haven’t grown accustom to yet.

You can watch the leaves fall. Changing colors from green to gold to brown to rust. Watch the winter rains swallow up the valleys and leave you gasping for more. I am not coming back, just so you know. I am not coming back. My summer skin has healed, now all I am left with is gold.

7/2/2011