Dumbo always thought he needed a magic feather for the courage to fly. We all rely on crutches to get us through our days. To help us function better, to give us the courage and the will to continue on. I wonder how many things I rely on for the courage to do anything. The multiple times I’ve given up out of fear and then paced myself back into a state of consciousness. I rely on words to be my magic feather, for the fear of things not working out in my daily life. The things I don’t have the will to say out loud, I save until I use the pen as my voice and the paper as my soapbox to escape to.
Most days I don’t feel brave. Most days I don’t feel anything at all. Most days I want to give up and fall back into the darkness of dependency of my self destructive nature. Just disappear for days on end until the blood flows out of every vein in my body. Until my lifeless soul has nothing to attach itself to. Those are most days. The days were even the brave have a dent in their courageous armor. Whats a little courage without being a little cowardly? I find myself more than usual in a series of fears and panics. Of course it’s all just rather dramatic. Just feeling the weight of the world on my shoulder and wishing for something lighter. Wishing that life could just be a little kinder on the days I need it the most. Then I find myself comparing myself to others and wondering why I can’t be where I need to be. Why can’t I just figure out the tools in life, I need to get a move on in my life. Its having everything you need and not knowing the start from the finish. Where do we get to where we need to be.
Then I think back to Dumbo. How he believed that with a magic feather he could do anything. With that magic feather he could fly. Instead of holding on to false ideas and illusions, I just have to believe in myself. Find the courage to keep going. Find the courage to be brave and go after what I want. It’s nice to believe that there’s something out there that gives us the magic to believe. In the end thats all what we want, a little magic to find the courage in ourselves. Maybe I don’t need a magic feather, but it’s nice to pretend that I do.